Ripping the Nest Apart for Abused Children

Children and their parents

are nested in a broader family group:

those people to whom they are connected

through kinship and other relationships
American Humane: FGDM

Can't help wondering...
what you're wondering about today?

I'm thinking about families, remembering aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, siblings. Most are gone now, but the sense of belonging, of being a part of something remains as comforting as ever.

Imagine ripping these children from their great-grandmother in order to protect them from an abusive or neglectful parent. Her loss would be devestating. Their loss incalculable. With her would go extended family members, family history, culture, mentors of skills and talents, safe harbors for all kinds of life storms.

I wonder what I would be without the grandmother who adored me and made no secret of it, the extended family members who gave me the joys and experiences of books and learning, scouting, who introduced me to the comfort of religion, the pride in "our" pew in the church, taught me of the local landmarks that created connections of my family to place through generations that came before me, gave me a sense of a history that included me and would pass on through me to next generations.

What of those who taught me manners not learned at home, values and pride in craftsmanship, who provided regular escapes from a horrific home life? What if my brothers, my reasons for hanging on were ripped from my life? What of the pets, friends, neighborhood places, schools and teachers that served as lifelines during rough times? Sure, I might have suffered less neglect and abuse by being removed from my mom and dad...maybe...but there is no doubt that I would have suffered greatly from the loss of all the other positives that come from having a connection to time and place and people.

For some reason when good people set out to do good things and don't consider all the consequences that may occur as a result of their decisions, they can cause more damage than had they done nothing. The road to hell... and we all know the rest of that! The decision to hasten the time from removing children from their homes until parental rights are terminated in order to stop the horrors of children lost in systems and place the children in permanent situations sooner sounds like one of those good intentions!

My grandson was "lucky" when the state took him from my daughter, for she was a Heroin addict, with all that includes for a young female, and his life was in jeopardy. But was he so lucky when the foster parents, eager to adopt him, and case-worker believing it best, pushed hard for that closure as soon as they could legally do so? I have no answer of course. Once the adoption took place, my daughter wasn't the only one locked out of his life when the records were "closed."

So when as a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate for Abused and Neglected Children) I participated in a Family Group Decision Making program I was thrilled to see the children included, along with extended family members and even close friends, in an attempt to create the best possible solutions for the children and their single Mom. How different from other meetings of professionals making decisions based on their biases, values, mood of the moment, mixed with incomplete information about the people whose lives they would change forever! The stake holders at Family Group Decision Making meetings have a lot more at stake, to say the least.

If you are interested in knowing more here is a bit....

Family Group Decision Making in Child Welfare: Purpose, Values and Processes
The values associated with FGDM include:
• Children have a right to maintain their kinship and cultural connections throughout their lives;
• Children and their parents belong to a wider family system that both nurtures them and is responsible for them;
• The family group, rather than the agency, is the context for child welfare and child protection resolutions;
• All families are entitled to the respect of the state, and the state needs to make an extra effort to convey respect
to those who are poor, socially excluded, marginalized, or lacking power or access to resources and services;
• The state has a responsibility to recognize, support and build the family group’s capacity to protect and care for
their young relatives;
• Family groups know their own histories, and they use that information to construct thorough plans;
• Active family group participation and leadership is essential for good outcomes for children, but power
imbalances between family groups and child protection agency personnel must first be addressed; and
• The state has a responsibility to defend family groups from unnecessary intrusion and to promote their growth
and strength.

And here are some related links:

How To Solve A Family Problem the Democratic Way

Family Group Decision Making

Families Gaining Their Seat at the Table

Engaging Families in Child Welfare Practice

Family Group Decision Making in Child Welfare Purpose, Values and Processes

Seen but Not Heard? Children and Young People’s Participation
in Family Group Decision Making:Concepts and Practice Issues
http://www.americanhumane.org/site/DocServer/PCNixonarticle.pdf?docID=5721

Tools for Permanency: Tool #2: Family Group Decision Making
http://www.hunter.cuny.edu/socwork/nrcfcpp/downloads/tools/fgdm-tool.pdf

A Child is Waiting,
Take care...be aware,
Nancy Lee

Can Child Abuse be Prevented? What Individuals and Communities Can Do

The prevention of child maltreatment

can often be achieved

through the simple, singular acts of

concerned individuals

and the support of caring communities.
American Humane

Can't help wondering...what you're wondering about when you witness violence against children?

Do you do anything? Or just wish you had?

Do you feel like it's "family business" so you should mind your own business?

Do you wish you could do something, anything, but you don't want to do or say the wrong thing for fear of making the situation worse?





American Humane offers the following tips:

• If you decide to respond to public mistreatment of a child, try to be helpful and supportive, not judgemental and critical.


• You can do so in a number of ways: looking at the adult in a neutral
  way might be just enough to make them realize
  they are getting out of control;


• striking up a conversation with the adult may divert their
  attention from the child;


• or complimenting the child (e.g., he/she has the prettiest eyes/hair) may divert the parent’s anger.


• Individuals can also take the time to get involved
  in their neighborhood or in their place of worship.


• They can introduce themselves to neighbors and
  parents so that they can become a source of
  support to them when needed.


• Spend time coaching, tutoring, mentoring, or
  just playing with a child.


• Help a family exhibiting signs of stress before
  problems escalate into abuse and neglect, for
  example, make a meal or invite the family over.


• Offer to baby-sit the children of a single,
  working parent.


• Encourage and show patience to difficult
  children. Include them in activities with your
  children.


• Volunteer at a child-serving agency.

Have you found other actions you will share that help make a difference for a child...without resorting to calling the authorities...prematurely?

Take care...be aware,
Nancy Lee