Ripping the Nest Apart for Abused Children

Children and their parents

are nested in a broader family group:

those people to whom they are connected

through kinship and other relationships
American Humane: FGDM

Can't help wondering...
what you're wondering about today?

I'm thinking about families, remembering aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, siblings. Most are gone now, but the sense of belonging, of being a part of something remains as comforting as ever.

Imagine ripping these children from their great-grandmother in order to protect them from an abusive or neglectful parent. Her loss would be devestating. Their loss incalculable. With her would go extended family members, family history, culture, mentors of skills and talents, safe harbors for all kinds of life storms.

I wonder what I would be without the grandmother who adored me and made no secret of it, the extended family members who gave me the joys and experiences of books and learning, scouting, who introduced me to the comfort of religion, the pride in "our" pew in the church, taught me of the local landmarks that created connections of my family to place through generations that came before me, gave me a sense of a history that included me and would pass on through me to next generations.

What of those who taught me manners not learned at home, values and pride in craftsmanship, who provided regular escapes from a horrific home life? What if my brothers, my reasons for hanging on were ripped from my life? What of the pets, friends, neighborhood places, schools and teachers that served as lifelines during rough times? Sure, I might have suffered less neglect and abuse by being removed from my mom and dad...maybe...but there is no doubt that I would have suffered greatly from the loss of all the other positives that come from having a connection to time and place and people.

For some reason when good people set out to do good things and don't consider all the consequences that may occur as a result of their decisions, they can cause more damage than had they done nothing. The road to hell... and we all know the rest of that! The decision to hasten the time from removing children from their homes until parental rights are terminated in order to stop the horrors of children lost in systems and place the children in permanent situations sooner sounds like one of those good intentions!

My grandson was "lucky" when the state took him from my daughter, for she was a Heroin addict, with all that includes for a young female, and his life was in jeopardy. But was he so lucky when the foster parents, eager to adopt him, and case-worker believing it best, pushed hard for that closure as soon as they could legally do so? I have no answer of course. Once the adoption took place, my daughter wasn't the only one locked out of his life when the records were "closed."

So when as a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate for Abused and Neglected Children) I participated in a Family Group Decision Making program I was thrilled to see the children included, along with extended family members and even close friends, in an attempt to create the best possible solutions for the children and their single Mom. How different from other meetings of professionals making decisions based on their biases, values, mood of the moment, mixed with incomplete information about the people whose lives they would change forever! The stake holders at Family Group Decision Making meetings have a lot more at stake, to say the least.

If you are interested in knowing more here is a bit....

Family Group Decision Making in Child Welfare: Purpose, Values and Processes
The values associated with FGDM include:
• Children have a right to maintain their kinship and cultural connections throughout their lives;
• Children and their parents belong to a wider family system that both nurtures them and is responsible for them;
• The family group, rather than the agency, is the context for child welfare and child protection resolutions;
• All families are entitled to the respect of the state, and the state needs to make an extra effort to convey respect
to those who are poor, socially excluded, marginalized, or lacking power or access to resources and services;
• The state has a responsibility to recognize, support and build the family group’s capacity to protect and care for
their young relatives;
• Family groups know their own histories, and they use that information to construct thorough plans;
• Active family group participation and leadership is essential for good outcomes for children, but power
imbalances between family groups and child protection agency personnel must first be addressed; and
• The state has a responsibility to defend family groups from unnecessary intrusion and to promote their growth
and strength.

And here are some related links:

How To Solve A Family Problem the Democratic Way

Family Group Decision Making

Families Gaining Their Seat at the Table

Engaging Families in Child Welfare Practice

Family Group Decision Making in Child Welfare Purpose, Values and Processes

Seen but Not Heard? Children and Young People’s Participation
in Family Group Decision Making:Concepts and Practice Issues
http://www.americanhumane.org/site/DocServer/PCNixonarticle.pdf?docID=5721

Tools for Permanency: Tool #2: Family Group Decision Making
http://www.hunter.cuny.edu/socwork/nrcfcpp/downloads/tools/fgdm-tool.pdf

A Child is Waiting,
Take care...be aware,
Nancy Lee

CASA's - Crazy About Kids

It can now be your choice to stop participating in

the oppressive nature of child abuse and to

reclaim your life, how YOU want it to be.

It can be your choice to take back the power

from the perpetrators and to

use your experience to help others.

Megan Bayless

Can't help wondering...what you're wondering about during this season of giving? We'll "Imaginif...Child Protection Became Serious Business" is having their Carnival Against Child Abuse Christmas 2007 Edition . I enjoy Megan's "stuff" so much that I decided to indulge myself today and just poke along through all the exciting blog postings there.

We'll, then I discovered Kate at Baby Lune is sponsoring a writing contest on a "favorite charity that acts against child abuse," so, of course I took time to write one while I was taking this "busman's day off" from reading and writing about child abuse! No hope for some of us, is there?


CASA's - Crazy About Kids

CASA's are volunteer Court Appointed Special Advocates for abused and neglected children. There aren't enough of them for many reasons, but here are a few:

CASA's have to care enough about children to be strong in the presence of the effects of abuse and neglect, and not give in to the luxury of venting their own anger and grief over the abominations committed against children, so often inflicted by their so-called caretakers.

CASA's have to care enough to enter homes where they aren't welcome, and sometimes would rather not be, ask personal questions that are resented, seek information about the home that people would rather never have known, sometimes risk physical danger, and all the while remain polite and attempt to establish a trust relationship with children and adults who often have no reason to trust anyone.

CASA's have to care enough to spend hours waiting around courtrooms to be there with and for the children for whom they advocate, only to have the case postponed so they can do it again. They have to make innumerable calls to attorneys and others who won't return calls, and are uncooperative when reached.

CASA's have to care enough to spend hours pouring over ill-kept records in unfriendly agencies, seeking information that can help a judge decide in the best interest of a child, rather than follow recommendations that may be carelessly suggested by over-worked child welfare staffers, or worse, may be profit or politically motivated.

CASA's have to show up at odd times and odd places to serve as advocates. They attend conferences at schools, joint-conferences at agencies, discussions in hospital rooms, clandestine meetings in dark cars on side streets, and anywhere else that might contribute an essential piece of information. Sometimes they even act as squatters for long hours, refusing to leave situations where danger to a child could be imminent without their continued presence.

CASA's have to do many things, like these and more not mentioned, to fulfill their legal commitment to serve the court. They do many more things to fulfill their heart-commitment to the children they serve. Many of those things you will never learn about because most CASA's do for children, not for recognition. Some things CASA's do take time, some money, some energy. CASA's volunteers donate it all, because they want to, not ever because they have to.

One other thing CASA's don't have to do, but the one thing all CASA's do, is care so much about abused and neglected children being protected from the worst sides of mankind that no matter what else they may have to do CASA's remain committed to finding and bringing out the best side of mankind in every one connected to the children for whom they advocate.

Courts can appoint many people from various professions to advocate for abused and neglected children. However, what can't be appointed is the part of every CASA volunteer that makes them truly a CASA. When all is said and done CASA'S are indeed Special.

So!…friends and family who read this will demand! So!… if CASA's are so special, if they are so needed, if they make such an important difference for abused and neglected children, and if, as you claim, you choose to devote yourself to children's welfare, WHY did you resign as a CASA?

The answer is simple. One reason I resigned is something everyone can do something about to keep other CASA's from resigning for the same reason. I am disabled and live on a below-poverty income. Gas and automobile expenses have skyrocketed in the past year. CASA's are on the go a lot. As is so often the case for organizations that depend on volunteers as workers, the CASA I belonged to cannot afford to reimburse volunteers for gas…or anything else besides some phone calls. In my experience, there isn't enough money in the world to hire someone to do what CASA's do…but there might be enough to at least keep them able to do it.

The other reason I resigned you may, or may not, be able to do anything about, but I will share the reason anyway. CASA's, as I've said and believe, are Special people. Perhaps I simply was not special enough. Perhaps the cause is otherwise. In any case, I wasn't special enough inside myself to stand strong against the continual onslaught of public and professional opinions proffered on every possible occasion that CASA's cause trouble for other agencies involved in children's welfare (they surely try!), that CASA's act like nothing else is as important as the best interests of the children (they surely do!), and that CASA's act like they know more about the children they represent than anyone else working for them does (that's true, too!) and that CASA's act like being a volunteer is as important a job as being paid to do whatever they do, and more valuable from the individual child's perspective. (Maybe?) Actually, I think CASA's ARE usually better on both counts.

PS: For Anyone interested in the pleasantly surprising results for the CASA article see:

Because Holidays are About Families over at Baby Lune.

And be sure to check out Gwendolyn Gross's book The Other Mother!

A Child is Waiting,
Take care...be aware,
Nancy Lee

Child Abuse Neglect Annual Report of Child Fatalities: 2006

There are definitely different types of child maltreatment...

If someone sees you swat your kid on the fanny in the grocery store

and someone called [Children Services],

in the past we either had to

label it child abuse or do nothing.

Marcia Tiger

Child Abuse? What about making me dress like this when the sun's shining...

and I just got a new truck?

Can't help wondering... why some states are so more advanced than others when it involves trying changes to stop child abuse and neglect? I can't imagine what political benefit to anyone in power not actively fighting for changes to all our laws involving child abuse and neglect. Call me naive...and I admit many do!... but who loses if everyone is required to report child abuse and neglect as in Indiana? Why "mandated reporters," who for various reasons too often avoid involvement. Look at the statistics on how few school reports are made, for example, and who, besides parents, is around our children more than a school teacher?

And how long, how long, I wonder, before other states follow suit and develop programs like the one in Youngstown, Ohio? The Youngstown Vindicator reports that the Agency chosen for program "was selected to participate in a pilot project that focuses on using alternative methods for investigating reports of child abuse and neglect." This is absolutely essential! The aritcle quotes Steve Hanson, who manages the Ohio Supreme Court's Advisory Committee on Children, Families and the Courts as explaining:
"A family assessment ... assesses the needs of the child or family and offers services without requiring a formal disposition [substantiation] that maltreatment has occurred or that the child is at risk of maltreatment."

I'm so excited at the possibility... just imagine if we had fully trained, maybe even volunteers, who responded to calls! Something along the line of CASA's in terms of authority from the courts to investigate and report to CPS on each call indicating an immediately actionable situation, and to another agency where any necessary services can be determined and provide? The volunteers could be assigned to follow any at-risk cases and to insure children don't "fall through the cracks. If we stopped treating struggling parents as criminals and gave them services to upgrade their parenting and life skills, we'd all benefit.

CPS can't begin to handle the reports they receive, and I suspect many, like myself, don't want to call them unless a child's life is obviously in danger because of the horror stories that abound regarding CPS. One woman I know, caught up in the system cried out in frustration, "Why do they call themselves Child Protective Services anyway? Tell me just who gets the service? Not children, not families. Or maybe it's just the privatized services making so much money through them?" One wonders...

Unfortuately, the cynic in me suspects we won't see any great strides in that direction until someone figures out how to make money on it... and then gets caught in the greed trap of cutting corners so more money can be made as is the case with so many other aspects of our world today.

Take care...be aware,
Nancy Lee

Shonya at Kelsey's Purpose Forum...a place that hears

Community gathers to help stop child abuse…

The only problem is

parents and families didn't show up.

I'm wondering about what it takes to get more people involved in making this a safer world for children. Certainly there are individuals, groups, corporations, legislators, etc. attempting to provide information, training, educational seminars on a regular basis.

Recently I attended a community seminar offered locally by the Community Educator from the Women's Help Center. It was heavily advertised for weeks in advance in the local newspaper. Was free. Didn't require pre-registration. Offered refreshments. Was presented at a convenient location mid-afternoon on a Saturday. No bad weather that day. No big community event to occupy people. Not even any high interest sports events! So...who attended? No friends or families. Five people...all professionally involved in Child Welfare fields, but none from CPS or CASA or other similar groups.

This week's news from around the country included an account of a similar community seminar.

"The main point of the seminar was education -- making sure the
community knows what help is out there to aid them in preventing child abuse in the valley. What the community doesn't know can hurt them..

The article says no parents or families came. It didn't say how
many professionals attended.

Shonya posted clear descriptions of Florida's definition of child abuse and neglect, and symptoms, today at Kelsey's Purpose. Assuming you are one of those who does want to learn... and why else would you be here?... and in learning be prepared to make a difference whenever circumstances arise to share, it's well worth reading.

Take care...be aware,

Nancy Lee

Child Protective Services

It is the theory

that decides what we can observe.

-Albert Einstein

Can't help wondering...why so many well meaning and caring people who are part of the "system" that deals with child welfare act possessively of their positions as though some unknown enemy is trying to "get them?" Is that some form of group paranoia? The result of inordinate involvements in litigation? Trust issues from their own childhood experiences? Maybe it comes with saturation in a field that is difficult for anyone to be aware of let alone be involved with on a daily basis? Maybe though it is all the result of their training and therefore the theory upon which it is founded that makes them see the way they seem to?

Yesterday I spent a lot of time at a site you might want to visit...because it provides an in depth look at different sides of an issue and the people involved in a child welfare case that ended with the death of a precious child. Remarkable insights into how various people think and feel about the "system." Kelsey's Purpose includes the story of Kelsey and how her family continues to use her death as a catalyst for change so hopefully some day we'll have a system to protect other children before its too late.

For another perspective you might want to watch a PBS Frontline video entitled Failure to Protect: When should a parent lose the right to raise a child? This video and another related one, provide views from various participants in the child welfrare system.

Lots of perspectives and information also available through Alt Support Child Protective Services, including "Help for families involved with CPS."

Take care...be aware,
Nancy Lee