What's wrong with this picture? One child abandoned? Or two?

There is no agony

like bearing an untold story inside you.

Zora Neale Hurston

Can't help wondering... what you're wondering about? I'm wondering about pictures that don't tell the whole story. Pictures with missing pieces. Pictures that create more confusion than clarity. Pictures that seem really out of focus. Pictures that need far more than a thousand words to make any sense of them.

SO WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?
The Picture as known at this time: 44 year old man turns 6 month old baby girl over to firehouse; claims baby abandoned in his cab by unknown man. Man and his 21 year-old girlfriend, who is actually the baby's aunt, are charged with criminal falsification; each can face year in jail. Man who "abandoned" baby in cab is allegedly the baby's 27 year old father. Baby girl, now called Baby Lourdes was placed in foster home. A 23 year old bail bondsman, another friend of the family, brought the 14 year old mother to the police because she was "depressed, scared, crying…loved her daughter…wanted to be with her."

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT PICTURE?
WHAT ISN'T?
The mother is a child herself, probably pregnant at 13 by a 26-year-old man. Statutory rape, at least, isn't it? What's wrong with that picture? Child Abuse and neglect by how many? Will any of them be charged?

The Baby-mommy gave birth to Baby Lourdes. She didn't have an abortion. She didn't let the Baby Lourdes drown in a toilette somewhere. She didn't smother Baby Lourdes and hide the evidence. Who knew of the pregnancy and birth? Parents? Doctor? Nurse? Hospital? Or did she have it home, alone? Who knew of Baby Lourdes existence the last six months and did nothing? Where was the help for that child and her child? What's wrong with that picture? Child abuse and neglect by how many? Will any of them be charged?

A concerned society offers a "Safe Haven" in this state for parents who can't care for a child to leave the child at specified places "without risk of prosecution," but only until the baby is 5 days old. Police haven't decided yet whether to charge this Baby-mommy… with what? Did that same concerned society fund effective life-education in schools, before puberty, including information about birth control, Safe Haven laws, other options for unintended mental and physical consequences of unprotected sex for children, services available for Baby-mommy and Baby Lourdes? How much public education like readily obvious and available ads, brochures, workshops, etc. exist, and not just as a good idea for some organization that lacks funds to pay for or workers to distribute stacks of materials gathering dust on back room shelves. What's wrong with that picture? Child abuse and neglect by how many? Will any of them be charged?

Whatever your feelings about all the aspects of this story, known and yet to be known, whether or not you agree with the plan and actions these people came up with, no matter your beliefs that most of them were old enough to know better, regardless of your beliefs about how things should have been/could have been/would have been if you were involved, what alternatives would you prefer these people with all their human limitations had chosen in this moment of time for Baby Lourdes? Abandon the baby, dead or alive, wrapped in plastic and stuffed somewhere? Far too often that is the option chosen by desperate people. Obviously those involved were not willing to see that as a solution to what they apparently perceived as a problem they had to solve. For whatever reasons, they chose to give Baby Lourdes a chance at life, apparently the best chance they could imagine for her. What's wrong with that picture? Child abuse and neglect by how many? Will any of them be charged?

Where is the sense in charging those who gave Baby Lourdes that chance? Why send them to jail? So others won't do what these people did? And then what? Desperate people make desperate choices…and none of those choices bode well for any babies and children involved. Why not assign a period of public service working in place like Ronald McDonald's house as a volunteer, rocking dying babies in local hospitals, doing anything that makes life better for the millions of children suffering today. What's wrong with that picture? Child abuse and neglect by how many? Will any of them be charged? Child abuse and neglect by how many? Will any of them be charged?

Judgment is so easy folks, and so useless. Don't kid yourself that however you see this picture, you aren't missing something still seriously wrong with it. The same might be true of many child abuse/neglect stories...

A Child is Waiting,
Take care...be aware,
Nancy Lee

So just what is child discipline? What is abuse?

State Court to Decide on Legal Limits of Spanking:

Where punishment drifts into abuse is the issue

in the case of a father who hit his son 36 times.

Can't help wondering...what you're wondering about as Minnesota court stuggles to decide if hitting your son 36 times is abuse, and Massachusets goes to war over proposed new legislation that will make them the first state in the Union to totally outlaw corporal punishment for children? The battle may have begun in Massachusets but has now spread around the country. I suspect that before long it will reach global proportions. Even though many enlightened countries have actually already outlawed it, people continue to debate the issue. Since the best debates are usually based on at least a few facts and some knowledge, here is an example of both, from American Humane:



Child Discipline

What is discipline?
As part of their natural development, children sometimes challenge or test parental and adult expectations and authority. Sometimes, children simply choose to misbehave in order to gain something (e.g., attention, an object, power, peer approval). This is a significant part of the growth process of children, yet it should not be without consequence. Discipline is how children learn right from wrong, acceptable from unacceptable.

Parental or adult discipline of children should be designed to help children engage better with others and to modify or control their behavior. Providing appropriate discipline to children is one of the most essential responsibilities of a parent. And providing consistent and positive discipline helps children grow into responsible adults.

According to the Committee for Children (2004), the purpose of discipline is “to encourage moral, physical, and intellectual development and a sense of responsibility in children. Ultimately, older children will do the right thing, not because they fear external reprisal, but because they have internalized a standard initially presented by parents and other caretakers. In learning to rely on their own resources rather than their parents, children gain self-confidence and a positive self-image.”

What about the use of physical discipline?American Humane, as a policy, opposes the use of physical discipline on children at home, in the community, or in school. In two national surveys, Murray A. Straus, co-director of the Family Research Laboratory at the University of New Hampshire, found that 90% of parents of three- and four-year-olds had struck their children and that 22% of parents of children under one year of age had also hit their children. The second study in 1997 found that 44% of mothers reported spanking their children during the previous week, and reported spanking their children approximately twice a week (Straus, Sugarman, & Giles-Sims, 1997).

How does physical discipline affect children?
Children in the 1997 study whose parents used corporal punishment to reduce anti-social behavior actually experienced the opposite from their children in the long run – an increased probability of aggression and other antisocial behavior. Disciplining children by spanking does not facilitate learning. Instead, it may halt the unwanted behavior only while the child is in the adult’s presence, or it may scare a child into submission. While it may teach a child what not to do, it fails to teach a child what is expected of him or her and what is an alternate behavior.
Additionally, physical discipline is most often used when the parent is frustrated or without other resource. Spanking in these circumstances may lead to an unintentional injury or more serious abuse. The following illustrate more of what physical discipline does:

• Increases anxiety and fear
• Hinders the development of empathy and compassion for others
• Makes children angry in response
• Heightens aggression toward others
• Decreases compliance and increases resistance
• Harms relationship with parent or caregiver
• Potentially causes unintended and severe physical injury
• Decreases self-esteem
• Increases the probability for an array of undesirable social and psychological behaviors
• Teaches that violence is an acceptable way to handle conflict.

How can I discipline positively?
American Humane encourages parents and other caregivers to use techniques that constitute a positive and appropriate discipline of children, such as:

• Discipline with love
• Listen and communicate
• Focus on the behavior, not the child
• Respond immediately
• Relate the discipline to the offending behavior in duration and severity
• Be realistic
• Remain calm
• Be fair
• Do not harm or injure
• Set boundaries
• Make it a learning opportunity
• Be consistent
• Be creative

© 2004. This American Humane Fact Sheet may be reproduced and distributed with appropriate citation given to American Humane.

A Child is Waiting,
Take care...be aware,
Nancy Lee

Infant Safe Haven? Neglect, Abandonment or Best Alternative Available?

State legislatures have felt the need

to address infant abandonment and infanticide

in response to a reported increase

in the abandonment of infants.
Child Welfare Information Gateway:

State Statutes Series: 2004

Can't help wondering... what you're wondering about?

Thanks to DK at Kelsey's Purpose for posting information on Infant Safe Haven laws today, I'm wondering about safe places in general for babies.


Every baby deserves to feel as safe as if held within the arms of an angel.

But sometimes even the best of Caregivers can't provide that perfect situation.

So... on a temporary basis, they may resort to rather creative solutions to ensure that baby has a safe place to stay while they attend to ...whatever seems most demanding at the moment.





As long as the baby is safe, at leasst those involved in these two pictures seems content about the solution.






But sadly, sometimes Caretakers seek a safe haven for a baby for a longer time...sometimes forever. Whatever the reasons for such a sad decision there is a solution safer than many other desperate alternatives, available in most states (46), beginning with the Texas' "Baby Moses" law passes in 1999.

Unfortunately, not enough is known about the laws...especially by those who might most need to know of them. Part of the reason for this is that many people are against the laws. They suggest that these laws somehow encourage promiscuous behaviors and too easily allow the mother to avoid responsibility for her choices.

Whatever the outcome of the debates over time, at least for now babies can be given a safe haven while the debates rage on. For me that is the most important part of the laws, and the primary reason to encourage everyone to learn the laws for their states and share the information at every opportunity. An infant may live because you do....

The information provided by DK at Kelsey's Purpose about Infant Safe Haven laws comes from the Child Welfare Information Gateway. The 2004 State Statutes Series, State Statutes , and the Infant Safe Haven Laws: Summary of State Laws (pdf) are all available from here, with the quick click of a link.

A Child is Waiting,
Take care...be aware,
Nancy Lee