Monday, January 21, 2008

Tagged! Meme About Child abuse and Neglect.

Today I got tagged by Megan Bayless at
Imaginif…Child Protection Became Serious Business

I caught a viral meme from her...Actually two...
I'll do one today, another tomorrow...
Be Ready! You could be tagged next...

Can't help wondering...
what you're wondering about? Naturally after getting tagged by Megan, I'm wondering about Meme's...sounds like Me- me, doesn't it? Only starts that way...its really more about us...

I still don't know a lot about what Meme means exactly...
but I'm learning fast... and it's fascinating! I think it's Vygotsky-like in basic premise?... something Vachss might go for? Well, here goes....

First I'm supposed to provide the following rules for this one, called
"Seven Random Things About Me":

1. Link to the person’s blog who tagged you.
2. Post these rules on your blog.
3. List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself.
4. Tag seven random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by posting a comment on their blog.

And so now I'm supposed to do what the rules say to do...

but only to share what I'm comfortable with. Are they kidding me? I'm not comfortable with much of anything in this world... so here are seven random things about me that make sense to share here. I admit some might say in the end they all add up to only one…do you agree?

"Seven Random Things About Me."

1. I survived severe physical, sexual, emotional and psychological child abuse and neglect from my birth parents. The damage that resulted was extensive. At 65, after over 40 years of treatment from many great psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, and counselors with ever changing therapeutic techniques and medications as they came on the market, I continue to deal with several mental illnesses that will never be cured. I still feel less than and no good for anything.

2. I achieved much in my lifetime academically. Although a high school dropout almost 40 years ago, after I reached a level of what is labeled "high functioning" I returned to school, picked up the pieces and earned a BFA, 2 MA's and almost a PhD during the past fifteen years. I still feel as stupid as I ever did...and believe me, that's stupid big time!

3. I failed much in my lifetime, most painfully in almost all my relationships. Two rocky marriages ended in divorce. One lasted 7 years, and the second 22 years. There will not be a third. I have a STD and will not ever take a chance of sharing that with someone I claim to love as was done to me. I avoid social and personal connections. I still fear people, even those closest to me.

4. I abused and neglected my three children. Continuing the cycle of abuse and neglect against my own children is the failure that hurts the most. I swore I'd never do what was done to me. Although I actively sought help many times I wasn't able to stop for many years. Doctors dismissed my concerns with garbage about child resilience and how, when I was better, I'd be a better parent. Child abuse and neglect were not even considered a problem until the 1970's so that was the prevailing attitude. I still feel somehow I should have been better, stronger, more able to protect my children from my harm to them.

5. I weakened some links in my personal cycle of child abuse and neglect. On the positive side, when I understood that my parenting, although ever improving as I healed, and healthier than that of my parents who had no help, was dangerous and had hurt my children terribly, I fought for help for them while they were still children. I still feel it wasn't enough. Some of my grandchildren paid the price and may still be doing so. They are adopted. I still hurt every day when I pray for and think of them.

6. I accept my responsibility for abusing my children, and I accept the rewards from fighting to end it. Nothing I do will ever make up for the harm I did to my own children, but today I find peace in seeing the wonderful mother my youngest daughter is for her children. I find joy in the relationship she and I have developed over time. I find pride in knowing my efforts and honesty with her made my healthy grandchildren possible. I still feel too ashamed of my past to fight my son-in-law for the right to be more involved with them.

7. I am addicted to learning, educating and raising awareness of others about the cost to children and society from child abuse and neglect. This is an addiction I feel no need to overcome. The prevention, treatment, and amelioration of effects resulting from child abuse are possible. Child maltreatment can be stopped. A lot of determined voices are needed to make that happen. I am every moment grateful for God's grace and wisdom, for the gift of the strength to continue the work I do on behalf of abused and neglected children. I still believe…

Here are the Seven Random Blogs I'm Tagging for "Seven Random Things About Me":

Cerebral Mum

The OTHER Mother

Reflections of a Foster Youth

Sunshine Girl on a Rainy Day – Lisa

Child Care Gone Wrong

Jumping in Puddles at Life Spacings

A Child is Waiting,
Take aware,
Nancy Lee


Megan Bayliss said...

FANTASTIC and thank you. You have worked meme's out well if you didn't already know about them.
Your honesty and acceptance is refreshing. I hope now only for inner peace for you.
Today I am wondering about you. I feel your pain and you will be in my thoughts often as the day progresses. Take care Nancy: in my eyes you are neither stupid or a child abuser. You were an abused child acting out her enormous pain in the best way she could. Somewhere your strength and truth shone through or you would not now have the relationship that you do with your youngest child.
It is an honor knowing you Nancy. Thank you.

Robin said...

Just from reading your blog for the first time, I sense your strength, despite the odds. Thank you for leading me here. Good to *meet* you.

Child Person said...

Many thanks to you both for the encouraging comments.
And I'm so pleased to meet you, too, Robin. My name was "Robin" before I was born! And my grand-daughter's name is Robin, too! My Mom wanted to name her first born, (me...but in those days it wasn't known the sex of the child before birth)Robert for a boy, after my father, or Robin if a girl. Dad's family wanted me named after Nancy Sinatra because that was the big thing it was. Mom told me the story often because she never got over the hurt of Dad taking sides with his family instead of hers. Mom died before sharing that story with my children, and I never had a reason to tell it, so imagine my surprise when my daughter called to tell me my expected granddaughter would be named "Robin." I thought maybe someone else in the family had told her the story, but she said no, she had never heard it anywhere. Robin was just the name she wanted and her husband liked it, too.
So welcome to my world, Robin!